“You are not too fat or too skinny.
You are not too old or too wrinkly.
Your nose isn’t too big and your boobs aren’t too small. Your not ugly or stupid.
This body of yours no matter what shape or size has carried you around your whole entire life.
It’s taken you places, enabled you to explore the world. Picked you up when you’ve fallen down.
Fought through colds and flue, broken bones and broken hearts.
Even though you put it down it keeps on going.
Keeps on working to the best it can.
Through the good and the bad your heart has kept beating.
It will take you though the very end. What a wonderful clever thing it is.
What a brilliant beautiful person you are.“
230…one day…227 the next. God dammit body why can’t you just decide what number you would like to be today. This is my frustration when I am home and faced with the scale. That silence in the morning after the morning pee, and stripped down naked…then the sigh…229. Okay now time to shower. It is a ritual I do every morning that I stay at my place which is usually Monday-Thursday. I have to set a strict schedule so I can get this semesters schooling down and life. The rest of the days I am at my most amazing boyfriends place. To which I am beyond excited that we are getting a place this summer. No more traveling between places and deciding which kitchen I am going to cook in this weekend or weekday. Since my last post a lot has changed, some in a good and some in a bad. I am going to start with the bad because like all pessimists do. I have never been let go of a position until this year, I have seen all the stages that people go through when they loose a job but never really went through them myself. The position I was let go of, was of one that I knew I was taking a major risk accepting and left my comfy spot at GLHC. I even took a pay cut. Anyways, after a grueling 60 days, the company decided that it was not a good fit for both me or the new company and chose to cut ties with me. I saw the writing on the walls and knew time was coming to an end there for me but this really hit me. More than what it should, and emotionally like I always have done in the past I chose food as my comfort. I let old habits back into my life and they grasped me deep this time. But there is always a silver lining and that is I have recognized the faults and I am going to start getting back on track again. Because I only have 30 pounds to loose. Anyways that a super quick update on me.
170 is the total I have lost. I have lost a person. I cannot remember being 397 more than a year ago. Blows my mind…here is a flash back!
Me at my highest
Now to the subject line of my post. It is swimsuit season coming up and I have decided to go daring this year. I am going to do a two-piece! Oh yeah, thats right I am going to show some skin! Not a lot of skin but enough to make it risqué and totally out of my element. Tonight I decided to try on some of these two-piece plus size swimsuits I have seen my favorite role models such as Tess Holliday, Georgina Horne and Rosie Mercado (These models are all different shapes and sizes & beautiful). When trying on these suits I felt a little vulnerable, which I am used too but never really vocalize, but at the same time I felt uber sexy even though I have loose skin and saggy boobs. But I felt something fierce and cannot wait to buy one of these suits after saving money and getting a job. Here is a picture I snapped of one of the two pieces.
Now I liked this one a lot because it pushed my boobs up, which believe it or not the girls need a little help sometimes. But I loved this suit! I honestly cannot express in words how much I love it. Its so retro and funky and cute. Now here is a comparison from when I was a size 22/24 and now which is a size 14/16.
What a difference!
I cannot wait to debut what I chose as my final suit, stay tuned!
It feels amazing to write again, I promise it won’t be forever till I post again.
Love,
Kaylee
Kaylee's Healthy Journey 