Swimsuit Season is coming fast….

“You are not too fat or too skinny. 

You are not too old or too wrinkly. 

Your nose isn’t too big and your boobs aren’t too small. Your not ugly or stupid. 

This body of yours no matter what shape or size has carried you around your whole entire life. 

It’s taken you places, enabled you to explore the world. Picked you up when you’ve fallen down. 

Fought through colds and flue, broken bones and broken hearts.

Even though you put it down it keeps on going.

Keeps on working to the best it can. 

Through the good and the bad your heart has kept beating. 

It will take you though the very end. What a wonderful clever thing it is. 

What a brilliant beautiful person you are.“

230…one day…227 the next. God dammit body why can’t you just decide what number you would like to be today. This is my frustration when I am home and faced with the scale. That silence in the morning after the morning pee, and stripped down naked…then the sigh…229. Okay now time to shower. It is a ritual I do every morning that I stay at my place which is usually Monday-Thursday. I have to set a strict schedule so I can get this semesters schooling down and life. The rest of the days I am at my most amazing boyfriends place. To which I am beyond excited that we are getting a place this summer. No more traveling between places and deciding which kitchen I am going to cook in this weekend or weekday. Since my last post a lot has changed, some in a good and some in a bad. I am going to start with the bad because like all pessimists do. I have never been let go of a position until this year, I have seen all the stages that people go through when they loose a job but never really went through them myself. The position I was let go of, was of one that I knew I was taking a major risk accepting and left my comfy spot at GLHC. I even took a pay cut. Anyways, after a grueling 60 days, the company decided that it was not a good fit for both me or the new company and chose to cut ties with me. I saw the writing on the walls and knew time was coming to an end there for me but this really hit me. More than what it should, and emotionally like I always have done in the past I chose food as my comfort. I let old habits back into my life and they grasped me deep this time. But there is always a silver lining and that is I have recognized the faults and I am going to start getting back on track again. Because I only have 30 pounds to loose. Anyways that a super quick update on me.

170 is the total I have lost. I have lost a person. I cannot remember being 397 more than a year ago. Blows my mind…here is a flash back!

Me at my highest

Now to the subject line of my post. It is swimsuit season coming up and I have decided to go daring this year. I am going to do a two-piece! Oh yeah, thats right I am going to show some skin! Not a lot of skin but enough to make it risqué and totally out of my element. Tonight I decided to try on some of these two-piece plus size swimsuits I have seen my favorite role models such as Tess Holliday, Georgina Horne and Rosie Mercado (These models are all different shapes and sizes & beautiful). When trying on these suits I felt a little vulnerable, which I am used too but never really vocalize, but at the same time I felt uber sexy even though I have loose skin and saggy boobs. But I felt something fierce and cannot wait to buy one of these suits after saving money and getting a job. Here is a picture I snapped of one of the two pieces.

Now I liked this one a lot because it pushed my boobs up, which believe it or not the girls need a little help sometimes. But I loved this suit! I honestly cannot express in words how much I love it. Its so retro and funky and cute. Now here is a comparison from when I was a size 22/24 and now which is a size 14/16.

What a difference!

I cannot wait to debut what I chose as my final suit, stay tuned!

It feels amazing to write again, I promise it won’t be forever till I post again.

Love,

Kaylee 

3 Days…It’s been a year!

Eat like you love yourself

Move like you love yourself

Speak like you love yourself

Act like you love yourself

This time last year, I was a nervous wreck at work and at home getting myself physically and mentally ready for a major life changing procedure. I questioned myself so many times, is this worth it? Well, now being only three days from being a year out, I can answer that question and say it was. I knew this journey wasn’t going to be all happy times and sunshine with unicorns. It has been hard, and I am still on it. This blog has helped me so much with keeping me on track and accountable and also served a higher propose with helping me express myself on how I am feeling without seeing a doctor or sit through a boring group support session.

I eat now like I love myself. When I started this journey I wrote down every calorie intake and freaked out because I couldn’t get to 1,000 calories. I became extremely stressed over the summer and beginning of fall. I did take a break from it, and allow some habits come back but quickly noticed them creep back took care of them. I eat a whole of a lot healthier than I did a year ago, but I have allowed myself to enjoy food again but make sure it is in quantities that isn’t abusing the tool. I still measure out my food at times, and most of the time I am pretty good at guessing at how much I can really eat. I can eat a little over a cup of food now, but there are days to which I still only get a half cup of food in. I am back to cooking more and love it. My imagination in the kitchen is amazing! I am in a new relationship with food that I love. I do not eat because I am depressed or stress, I eat to live and to take care of my body. I have broke down a couple times and stress ate but I can tell you first hand I hated it and ended up tossing out whatever triggers I bought to make sure they are not in the house.

I move like I love myself. I am sticking with the whole gym and exercising! Shocking, I know. I love Planet Fitness, and the fact that I can walk for 60 minutes at 3.5 speed and feel the burn. I take breaks from the gym, to which I still don’t lose my focus. I bought fancy shoes to make myself more comfortable and force myself to wear them and work out. The lazy Kaylee, still is in me and is always yearning to just stay home, but the new found energy Kaylee is dying to move and do stuff. I just like moving now, and getting out of the house.

I can honestly say that I speak of myself like I actually love myself. I am so beyond words proud that I have reached so many obstacles and fought through them. I love myself, and I let the world know. I am an awesome individual. And most importantly I love myself through my actions and just overall.

Now after that introduction…here has been the past four months for me:

I have started dating this most awesome guy. He puts a smile on my face every time I am with him and even when I think and speak of him. We started this adventure close to four months ago, and I can honestly say out of all the guys I have dated this guy gets me inside and out. I have a huge support system with friends and family, and he brings a support that I haven’t had in a significant other. He gets my constant nerdiness of musicals, horror flicks, and Disney movies. Reminds me that I am pretty or beautiful all the time. We laugh all the time, and we are huge dorks. Also, he lets me go on my rants and listens most of the time. He is everything I have always wanted in a partner. Little funny that his birthday is only days before mine. I can’t wait to see what more this adventure takes us on, right now I am just blessed to have him and the smile he puts on my face.

So, other than the new man rant. I am down 16 pounds since my last post! Halloween has passed and it was amazing. I was a gypsy, and my costume was pretty awesome. First Halloween that I have felt pretty sexy and looked sexy. I am in a new size that I can say I can’t even remember being in. I am a size 12/14! I am now the average American woman. Still, obese by my BMI which has gone down from a 62.2 to a 36.6. That is 25.6 scores down. I also went from a size 28, and that’s 14 pant sizes down from what I was originally. I still have my “fat” clothes, in bins that is around my apartment. I need to get rid of them, I have blogged about getting rid of them now for a while. I think either after my year appointment or this weekend I will finally say goodbye to the said “fat” clothes.

Well, thats all for right now! Just wanted to do a quick update.

Love,

Kaylee

Back Up!

Never quit. 

If you stumble get back up.

What happen yesterday, NO longer matters.

Today is another day. 

So, get back on track and move closer to your dreams and goals. 

You can do it! 

Just 3 pounds…just 3 pounds. So close I can see it! I am just 3 pounds away from being at my first goal of 250!

My last post I talked about refocusing. I want to touch on the emotional test I have been faced with. I am beyond amazed by my progress I have made, it moves me to tears to see what I look like now compared to last year. I have lost a total of 144 pounds, not too many people can say they have lost a person. Lately the whole emotional/depression has fallen upon me, I have been warned about this by my doctor at Sparrow Weight Management. I still feel like the fat girl in the room,  which makes my self-esteem go down a little. I feel weird and awkward when guys look at me because of that feeling I am the super obese woman still and they are just pointing it out and not hitting on me because they think I have some low self-esteem issues. Also I love food, I am addicted to food like an alcoholic is addicted to alcohol. I miss eating a lot of food, and whatever I want to eat. With those both combined it has sent me into my own head of giving up. This is it, I am going to be who I am at this weight for the rest of my life. I picked up the old habit of eating when I am bored and fed into my cravings yet again. I continued to loose weight but at a slower speed. The scale became the enemy again. But sometime during Labor Day weekend something kicked my ass in gear. I personally think my grandpa came down and whispered “Get your ass back in gear baby girl, don’t be like me.” I know it sounds crazy but it felt like it. I think a lot about my grandfather. So, it clicked and I started back to journal my food and this week signed up for Planet Fitness and last night was my first night. I can say it was an awesome time. Going again tonight. I don’t feel judged at all like I used to in other gyms.

Just got done walking 45 minutes on the treadmill at speed 3.3. Walked a total of 2.5 miles.

Now on to some adventures that this end of the summer has took me on. As summer was coming down to a close, I had to take some last minute summer trips. Labor Day was already planned by going to the annual place we go to every year my aunt and uncles cabin at Horse Head Lake. But a few days beforehand going up my family took another trip to Ludington to spend the night to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to head to Manistee to get on a charter to go out on the big lake Salmon fishing. It was a blast. I have been before a few times with my dad on those “daddy daughter trips” and always had a blast. This time it was all of us out on the lake. We only caught three fish but the memories will last a life time. Then that Friday we went up to my Aunt and Uncles cabin. I had a blast like usual, but this year it was a little more special. I done things I couldn’t do last year like kayaking on the lake. The first night my sisters and my cousin Anna went out on the lake for girl time. It was a lot of fun. Instead of drinking, I was outside for most of the time, which is new for me. I love being outdoors now. But no Charles family trip is complete without an accident happening. This happened right before we went up to the cabin. We opened the camper to find a little field mouse family has taken over. It derailed us a little but we fixed and cleaned it up. Many arguments and laughter came about like all Charles family accidents. Also to note I went camping again this year. I had to make use of my tent, it was fun. Cooked over the fire and fished.

Girls trip with my best friend Krystal!

 

I finally had a girls weekend with my best friend this pass weekend, luckily it came just in time as well. Sadly my heart aches a little for her because of what she is going through the motions of becoming single after being with a guy who was with her for over two years. Best friend duty called, more like knocking down the door. Granted I was there on the phone the day it happened and also the day after to wipe tears away and go take her mind off of the messy situation. So, girls trip 2014 was to Holly MI, to the Renaissance Festival. At last minute we dressed up as hippies/gypsy’s (we owned that look). We arrived at the festival at 1pm and didn’t leave till it was time to leave. It was perfect weather to be outside, not to hot or not to cold. We walked all over watching shows and browsing the shops and booths. Also trying some delicious food as well. Both of us were battling allergies and sinus issues but still didn’t stop us from having a blast! Many pictures taken, many laughs shared, and also mental logging of booths and shops to stop at next year to buy stuff. One shop that was a blast was this costume shop. They sold mostly corsets. The lady who greeted us and talked with us was a doll. Krystal and I both shared stories of our weight loss goals and also journey’s. She shared with us about her journey, to my surprise she was as well a WLS patient. She opted to have the gastric bypass ten years ago, and lost over 140 pounds and kept it all off. I was in awe over her, and how well she is doing. I am honored to share part of her story. While Krystal and I were in there, we opted to get fitted for corsets, which was right up our alley. I was shocked when I was fitted for mine. I am a size 38 waist! I went from a 50 to a 38! I wished I had $175 with me so I could buy it there on the spot but that’s what next year is for. After the festival we went back and had girls night out at the bar! This white girl got her groove on all night long.

Such a pretty corset and a size 38!

Let me tell you about my best friend.

Words cannot express how grateful to have such an awesome best friend (soul sister)! Krystal has been such an amazing support system, and along with my journey I have helped her to start her own journey as well. And that makes me speechless. Krystal amazes me with her strength not to strangle to kill her ex (I am just kidding) but she does amaze me with her strength to keep going when the times get rough. Also how this friendship has continued throughout the years, we have seen each other go through trying times and still have that listening ear for when each other needs it. I can only return the favor for her being an amazing best friend.

 

 

                                                 So first goal, almost there!

After that is met just 50 more to go till I reach my ultimate goal of 200 pounds!

Just 2 months to go till I am a year out of surgery as well. My minor goal is to be in the 230’s by the time!

I got this!

Till next time! 

Love, 

Kaylee

Time to Refocus Again…

She knew this transition was not about becoming someone better, but about allowing herself to become who she’d always been. 

I have that quote written just about everywhere, it helps me not to give up. Lately, giving up seemed like the best option because of a few stresses that have entered my life. Some old habits started to creep right back into my life, and those need to be corrected. Some of those habits are eating out, and chocolate! The damn chocolate and period thing is a beautiful disaster for me. I can have it in the house and not eat it, and only treat myself to a little bit now and then. But right when aunt flow comes to visit that chocolate is long gone and same with all the salty foods.  I also decided to take a little vacation from MyFitnessPal which was a horrible mistake. I lost the ambition to count my calories. So, that quote above fits what I am feeling right now. This transition is not for me to become better, its about letting that girl who has always been here shine! I know that this is a stage right now and I will fight through it.

Right now I am 264, which puts me only 14 pounds away from meeting my first initial goal I set myself at when I started this journey. Which is awesome! I mean, I haven’t been at this weight since like back in high school. I am currently into a new size which is 18/20 sadly I don’t have any clothes that fit me right, as of right now. Shopping trip as soon as I get some money! Also, I need to sell some clothes or donate them. That fear that I will regain 133 pounds in a matter of days still haunts me. I just need to say goodbye to those clothes, cause damnit I will not be a clothes hoarder!

So I mentioned some stresses that entered my life, well one has been resolved. That stress was being sick all the time for a month, I soon found out my gallbladder was failing me. It was time to take it out, which my surgeon did on July 15th. I feel so much better now that I can eat and not have it hurt all the time. Now, I need to get the acid reflux to calm down because that is back to haunt me. Another stress, is mostly financial.

So, here is some updating. I am now single. After 2 1/2 years it feels odd to be single again. The break up with my ex was very mutual and very adult like. I am happy there was no drama, and that him and I can remain friends. Many first has happened during this time. One first is being complimented on by guys who back in the day when I was 133 pounds heavier I would never think they would compliment me or go on a date with me! Its a shock for me to get this attention, I am used to getting little to no attention at all. I mean I like it, and I don’t at the same time because it makes me think of when I was heavier, what makes me prettier? I always thought I was pretty, is it all the weight I shed that made me more attractive to men? I really don’t want an answer to any of those questions but its on my mind. Well another first happen to me and that was I went speechless over this. Here is the story. I go to Rite Aid by my work all the time, there is one cashier who always calls me pretty lady. He is a total sweetheart. Anyways, on this particular day I happened to be visited by Aunt Flow again, she is a real bitch, so I needed to get pads. I happened to look super cute at the time.  Anyways, I get the goods and head to the counter to see check out. As he is ringing me up, he looks at me and says ” You know what, you are beautiful! I mean I always thought you were pretty no doubt. But look at you, you are really beautiful.” by this time, my face is twice the color as the blush I have on and I am speechless. This has never happened to me before. So, its things like that makes me feel awesome and beautiful! Its the little things.

See super cute!

I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for me. This summer is going fast, and so far its been one hell of a ride. I am excited to attend my first concert for my best friends birthday in September. That will be a blast! Currently trying to figure out when to go to Michigan Adventures because damn it! I want to ride a roller coaster! I am working on my photography more and more and getting better at it, I am excited to take senior pictures of my cousin Matt. Another great feeling is hearing my family members who I haven’t seen in a while make comments. I was almost moved to tears last Friday when my Uncle Bryce hugged me and he wrapped his arms around me and could actually wrap them all around me. That has never happened before, it was amazing. I didn’t cry but I was almost on the verge of crying. I went and visited my grandpas grave as well, I know he is proud of me up there with all the goals and accomplishments that I am meeting. There are days, which I wish I could just go out for a drive with him and have our talks like we used too. I miss those the most, I still at times talk to him on my drives.

Alright, 3 months till my year follow up! 65 pounds to shed to reach 200! I gotta keep up the hard work! I will do this!

Love,

Kaylee!

Here I am world 264! In a XL dress! I look so skinny!!

Cheating…

Lately I have been surfing around the website Bariatric Pal  and reading the forums fellow WLS patients have wrote. 

One forum caught my attention again and also my frustration. 

It was all about cheating or the easy way out. 

I am going to start this with a little story…this might be a tad repetitive, just warning you.

Before my surgery I have tossed out use to be friends because they thought that this surgery was an “easy way out” or cheating. It is now mind boggling for me to think that WLS is an easy way out of obesity. As all my readers know, I have been obese for a long time, like since I was a little kid. I have been on SO many diets and watched myself SO many times fail. (Here is something new) Back when I had the lap band but in place, I was told by many that I was too young for this huge step and that this was an easy way out. At 18 I said fuck it, I am going to do this. I knew at the time I was too young, but I wanted to be skinny SO bad. I wanted the hell I lived through to be over. When I mean hell, I mean all the bullying at school and whatever bullying I faced as an adult that waited me. I knew if I showed up skinny at Leslie High School and see old classmates or seen people I graduated with I wanted to show them that I can be skinny and I can be beautiful. I wanted them to eat their words so bad, all those hurtful things they said to me in the halls and in class. Back then I fully believed that this was an easy way out of all the pain I dealt with.

I learned quick that I was SO wrong. It was hard for me to stomach this. I only lost 50 pounds with having the lap band. I was so embarrassed, that I gave up going to follow up visits at Sparrow. I had complications from the band such as vomiting. And the vomiting was everything I ate. I developed acid reflux. I lived with this guilt for five years, till I looked at the scale and I was 397. That guilt surely added up on that scale. It took many angry and tearful conversations with my mom to finally go back to Sparrow. Anyways you know the story from there, but what I was trying to say five years ago at age 18 I thought this was easy. I sure was wrong thinking that then, now my view has changed. I grew up, I know that it takes a hell of a lot of work to loose weight and make this life changing decision.

Hearing a total stranger, family member, or a friend tell me now that this is cheating. I can ask them now this question: How? Yes, I have opted to take 85% of my stomach out and remove a tool I once opted to have to help me loose weight. But it is a far cry from being easy. I had to reevaluate my whole life and the all the choices I make. I had to see what needs to be changed so I can become healthy. I had to prove myself to the weight loss clinic who I went through when I was 18 that I have changed as a person, and that having a revision surgery will be the best for me. Because they saw me fail at 18, and they didn’t want to give me another tool to watch me fail again. And I tell you that was harder than any other test I had to ever take. After surgery the first few months were easy, I had no appetite. But now I slowly have it back, and same with the cravings. So, all this work into making choices are tested every day. Take today as an example. I have been craving an ice coffee for a while. I decided today I am going to treat myself to one. Before the surgery I would get the ice coffee that is loaded with sugar and fat. Now, my order was this sugar free vanilla, skim milk and lots of ice. This tasted to me just like the loaded fat and sugar guilty ice coffee I used to have. I love my sweets, I still enjoy them but in very careful moderation. I tried regular ice cream for the first time this past Friday and it gave me such a horrible stomach ache that I know I cant have that. I have tried frozen yogurt and that goes down better than regular ice cream. But I only had that once. Cooking has changed, I used to go out to eat  a lot. Now I find joys in making healthy food that taste so guilty but its not. Like most mid-westerners I was grown up to eat everything off my plate. Now, I cant. For you people who say this is easy, how would you survive just eating a 1/2 cup of food at a time? I bet you couldn’t. Its hard to hear family members tell me “Kaylee, your wasting food and money when you through so much food away.” Sorry family members, you taught me to eat everything on my plate. So when I can’t don’t bitch at me because I can’t. Don’t tell me to eat more when I tell you I can’t. I watch everything that goes into my mouth, I know if I eat a high fat meals all day I am going to gain at least 3-4 pounds and it will take me a whole week to get rid of it. So tell me stranger, family member, or friend how is this easy? I have said goodbye to many friends because they liked me as the fat friend. I learned this and it hurt so bad to say goodbye but it felt so good after because I found out the truth. This journey is far from easy, is it worth it? Yes, it is! I am tackling everyday battles of life and I am still living and still thriving to become healthy.

Another thing that has bugged me lately is this whole fat acceptance and also the saying “curvy girls are better than skinny girls. At one time in my life I fell for that statement. Now, not so much. Everybody is beautiful on their own. Being curvy doesn’t make you any better than being skinny. God made us all different because if we were all the same, life would be pretty damn boring. I don’t get the whole fat acceptance. I get stop the bullying piece of it. That needs to stop, that old saying “Kids will be kids” needs to end as well. Teach your kids that everybody is different but we are equal. Nobody is better than the next. I just don’t get the acceptance piece. I was comfortable at 397, I didn’t accept that I was going to be like this forever. Everybody can change, just because that road of change is hard doesn’t mean to give up. I watched my grandpa give up, and he could have changed his life but he accepted that he was going to be big for the rest of his life and it was sad.

Anyways, this soap box is done for today. I will end this saying I am down 115 pounds! Just 5 more and I will hit the 120 mark. I have just 32 pounds to go to hit the 250 goal I have. Oh Yeah! The stall is over I think…stay tuned to see more.

Take Care! 

Love Always, 

Kaylee 

Darling, you are fabulous!

It has been six months since surgery and I am down to 291.

Not a whole lot of a difference since my last post but at least the scale is moving. 

Today was my sixth month follow up with Sparrow Weight Management. I was excited to learn that I am 24 pounds down since I last seen them, which means I was 315 when I seen them last. The appointment was a bit exhausting cause I didn’t loose enough to please the doctor still. What I can tell you is that I have been working my butt (ass) off to get that scale moving. During the appointment we discovered that still my issue is that I am not getting enough calories in again. Which my range is 500-800 calories. Right now I am sitting at 734 calories for the day and that is including my dinner that I have planned for tomorrow. Another thing he believes is that I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and so does my PCP and my mother. They all believe this because Aunt Flow has been visiting me more frequent than what I would like. I know the birth control I am on causes irregular bleeding but not a full blown out period every other week, which has changed to every other day. I was put back on a progesterone pill to at least help stop my period…you know what my body did it said a big “F-you” and kept my period a flowing. I am just stressed. I am doing good with not stress eating. I just want to be back on a regular flow. I broke down crying on my way from the appointment to my work. I am trying my best to get this weight off, I have gave up so much and yet it’s still not enough for the doctor at Sparrow Weight Management. I feel defeated again. There are times I feel like my body hates me and is just giving me more and more road blocks in my path of getting healthy. Well with all this frustration I tried to get into a new OB but they do not have openings until July. So back to McLaren I go to discuss one switching my birth control and two get a detailed look in with the possibility of having PCOS. But I will tell you I am going to switch OB’s after doing this. I was put on a new goal because the doctor at Sparrow Weight Management doesn’t feel comfortable with waiting a year to see me so he is going see me in three months. So the new goal is to be down between 275-260. I really hope I can do it. I am so focused.

Other than feeling disappointed, I have been sticking with the game of exercising. I exercise about 5 days a week going in between walking, swimming, and doing what is called the “Boot Camp Challenge” which is an app on my phone. The doctor at Sparrow Weight Management was very happy to hear that I am exercising at least for 40 minutes a day. I don’t try to over do it but at least I am getting the exercise in. Which, I made my apartment into my own personal gym. Also I have cut out eating out, to like “once in a great while”. Which makes forces me to cook every night, which I do not mind cooking at all it helps relieve some stress that I have going on at work. Better to focus on something rather than to stress eat. I will say that sweets have been giving me a hard time, if I cut it out completely then I binge on them within a few days. If I treat myself to a tiny bit of sweets then I don’t crave that. Man, its hard to find balance at times. It’s hard to go out to my parents still, they are doing SO much better with picking healthy foods and having them at the house but they need to find new hiding spots for the not so healthy foods…come on guys…I lived there for most of my life and still the candy and chips are always in the same spot. I love going out there but I know if I stay out there too long I will be snacking on those things. Also it’s so hard for family dinners as well all because there is SO much food! I don’t over eat, just graze which is bad. I am getting better with stopping the grazing.

Well all I gotta say is there are better days a head of me.

I can’t let this day get to me.

Like the title of this post goes,

Darling, you are fabulous! 

Love,

Kaylee 

The best is yet to come!

I finally hit the 100 mark! 

This day came about when I stepped on the scale Saturday morning, and it magically said 298.2!

Woah! Friday morning I started off at 301.8, that’s a 3.6 weight difference!

I cannot believe I finally broke the stall from hell!

I officially reached the 100 pound mark on Sunday morning when I stepped on the scale and it said 297.2

Wow! 100 pounds in 5 1/2 months. I am so shocked and relieved that I finally hit this milestone! With this milestone I feel more motivated to keep going now. I am only 47 pounds away from my goal of 250. Also my BMI when I started was at 62.7 now it is a cool 47.7! Huge difference!! I am so beyond proud of myself for making this decision in my life to get healthy. This stall breaking gave me even more motivation to keep going since lately my motivation has been dwindling slowly from not loosing.

So, I belong on a website called Bariatric Pal. I believe I have mentioned it before but anyways I turn to this website as my support group since I opt out from attending support groups. I absolutely love reading the forums and seeing others on their journey. Also give me answers to certain questions I have that maybe veteran sleevers will be able to help me with. In all of my excitement of reach my milestone I read a forum about a woman ranting about “perfect” people. This person’s rant was basically she was tired of reading about perfect WLS stories and that she uses her tool just to eat smaller amounts, and has never changed her habits or diet. This woman has lost 100 pounds like me. I am equally excited for her as frustrated. My frustration is mostly on is why would you get this surgery and not change your habits? I know I am way far from being that “perfect” person. But what I do is make sure I drink well over 64oz of water, measure some of my food, get my 70 grams of protein, and log my food. There are days where I struggle to log my food, and measure my food. I know on those struggle days I tend to eat like crap. I will admit to anybody that I have drank alcohol, ate candy, eat a slice of pizza, engaged in eating ice cream (soft serve yogurt btw but only with PB2 powder in it), drink some chocolate milk, and ate some high fat foods. Do I make this a habit, no I do not. I think it is okay to indulge in those things once and in awhile as long as you are truthful to yourself. I know if I didn’t change my habits I wouldn’t have never lost the 100 pounds. I am not envious of her but I am concerned for her that one day she will reach like all weight loss patients that point where her body is done loosing and she will gain from her choices she made. Being aware of this motivates me even more to try my best to be a little stricter with my choices but still treat myself once and awhile.

Anyways, I am trying to think of something fun to do to celebrate 100 pound milestone. I am thinking this, finally go and get rid of my “fat” clothes and once that is gone from my closet and life get re sized for a new pair of jeans.  I am just curious if I went down a size again.

Also I will add Easter was a blast! I did indulge myself in some candy from my grandmas famous candy tray she brings out. At the end of the day I went home smiling knowing that I am finally under 300! What an accomplishment! I haven’t been under 300 since my sophomore year in high school! Just thinking of it brings tears to my eyes.

Just keep smiling!

That’s all!

Love, 

Kaylee 

That Moment…

Staring at myself half naked in the dressing room mirror at Lane Bryant. I had that moment again. Laying on the stool is size 24 jeans, 46C bra, and size 22/24 shirts. Fighting back tears, I realize I haven’t worn these sizes since high school and also the first year after my first weight loss surgery. I look back at the mirror and here I stand four sizes smaller! Crazy to think about it. This time last year I was barely fitting into size 26/28 on certain things.

I still see myself as the fat kid in school, who always got teased

I am still see myself as the same ole’ Kaylee 

But…

I am happier

I am smiling more

Finally loving fashion

And more determined than ever

I still wear my four sizes bigger clothes. They are like a security blanket. A part of me doesn’t want to get rid of them because of the fear of regaining all my weight I worked hard to get off back on. That fear is always present, and haunts me. Another big reason is I don’t have the funds to keep buying clothes. I have started a pile of clothes to donate. I just need to push myself to actually donate them. It’s time to loose the baggage.

A friend of mine made me a bracelet for my birthday with five words that describe me. I wear that bracelet everyday since I have received it. I am thinking of making another bracelet with the five themes of talent that describe me too. Everyday when I feel a little stressed I look down at this bracelet and think of the words that describe me and it makes me find that motivation that I have lost for the day to keep going on this journey.

The words are:

Unique

Independent

Honest

Protective

&

Honest

My five themes of talent are:

Woo

Includer

Input

Communication

Positivity 

These moments will come and go

It’s part of loosing weight

It’s That Time…

As I sip on my Chai tea and listen to Adele’s “Love Song” its about that time to update my blog…

All Smiles!!

Vodka and cranberry shot!

 Well I am the big 24 now as of Feb. 10th! My birthday was both boring and interesting. It first started off on the weekend before with my sister coming down so that we can both celebrate both of our birthdays. My mom and dad took us to the Ukai in Lansing. It was a blast! It was my first time having Asian food since my surgery, and I will say GOD I HAVE MISSED IT!! Also it was my first time hit me having alcohol since surgery as well. The dinner was fabulous like usual and the vodka and cranberry shot they gave me was pretty tasty, but after my tummy hurt because it was SO rich and also the vodka fast! For my actual birthday my work got me a nice card and also birthday treats that was shared with the whole office, I was good and ate my grapes and cottage cheese. Later at lunch I went and visited with my mom and had lunch. When I got back I had on my desk a beautiful orchid, this is the first time EVER I have received flowers at work. They were from my mom and dad, and world be surprised I haven’t killed them yet! As the day went on, I decided to skip class and live it up a little and get my hair done. It was my “Happy Birthday” to myself. I dyed my hair red again. I love the color a lot! 

My orchid my mom and dad got me!

This month has been the most stressful month so far! I have had my patience tested and also my faith a little. But I have an amazing support system to help me get over it and not turn to food to solve my issues! But I will say I am happy that the period of death over. That is a celebration in its self!

My After and Before picture

Well I will announce that I am a whole 4 sizes smaller!! I am in a size 22/24 in pants & shirts! Also I went down 4 sizes in my bust as well which is a shocker for me! I went on a little shopping spree and it felt amazing! I spent enough money buying new pants and some shirts but it felt amazing to go be shopping in a size I haven’t worn in 5 years or more. I have already started a donation bin of clothes I cannot fit anymore, my dress slacks for work have officially gotten big on me that they fall off of me!! Lately I have been feeling the love from my family and friends, and I love it. It makes me feel amazing when I hear that I am making them proud of the hard work I am doing. Also it makes me proud to help inspire somebody to create their own journey. I hope I don’t hurt anybody’s feelings when I say “ITS HARD WORK” because it is! I don’t ever sugar coat shit for anybody and I hope they understand that.

Well it has been six week and I am down a total of 15 pounds since the last surgeon visit. I am a little bummed but that is okay I will take the 15 pounds lost as a good thing. They are proud of me, and I wont see them until my year visit in November. They want me to loose 90 pounds by then and that will put me at 225 pounds and a total of 172 pounds lost. It is doable and its gonna happen. If I lost that 172 pounds that would be me loosing a person! How exciting! The journey will be rough but I am ready for it. There are a few things I do need to work on like getting my calorie intake over 1,00 and getting more carbs in. Since the carbs that I am intaking are enough. But at least I am getting way over 70 grams of protein in and also my 64oz of water in as well. I am focused, so I know I am gonna kick ass at this!

Well thats all for today!

Love,

Kaylee

Quickest update!

So I am feeling pretty great today! Went and spent some money on some new clothes for myself. I can say now I am in a size 22/24 in shirt and pants. Also I am down four sizes in my bust. I can see the weight loss more and more when I wear the actual size I am in now. Time to gut the closet out and get rid of many clothes. Can’t wait to go shopping this summer and see what size I will be in then! And I have only 5 more pounds till I meet the goal that the doctor set me at!!! Hell Yes!